Cattle & chickens don’t care
Article be Edna Farmer
EDVILLE—Well, we had a meeting of the full editorial board on Bertie’s patio Wednesday, when the weather was balmy and the sun was high.
And Dick came packing steaks and a new promotional gimmick for Edville, saying we couldn’t eat until we’d heard him out on his big idea.
Well, this time his brainwave was to ask the town council to approve a motion giving Edville its own time zone, which would be just the sort of publicity stunt that would get us national attention twice a year—like those Yukoners who refuse to quit daylight savings time every fall.
At first we thought this was one of Dick’s nuttier ideas, especially when his wife, who was charring up the steaks, commented that he appeared to be in the early stages of dementia.
But by golly, it turns out he’s right.
Now the truth is that Edville is mostly full of farmers. And the patterns of their lives are determined by the circadian rhythms of dairy cattle and chickens and the like who can’t tell time, one way or the other. The only mammals for whom this is not true are the teenagers, whose daily rhythms are dictated by their year-round instinct for hibernation.
So Dick’s big idea has legs now. Local Google spokesperson, Maxine Kwerty, expects “national searches for circadian rhythms to clog the company’s engines over the coming week, following this publication.” Not too shabby for ol’ Dickie.
Either way, Edville residents will have their say over the next couple of weeks, and the next time the board meets up on, likely in parkas, we’re going to put it to a vote. Edville Standard Time, yes or no?
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