December 5, 2023

The Edville Gazette: On Surviving Celebratory Behaviour

From the Man Cave | D.I.Y. Hangover Cures

Article by Jeff Mulette, Jr.

EDVILLE—This last week was a rough one for your old man Jeff over here. Went a little too hard at the cottage and was pretty worse for the wear trying to pull myself back together.

I tried everything., man, my usual go-to’s, you know, the trusted tried and true tips and tricks handed down from my father and his grandfather before him, to some new ideas that I had to explore because the hangover after this weekend was something I have never encountered before in my life! Well, at least since the Hip concert in Bobcaygeon in 2011. At any rate, try these bad boys out the next time you go too hard on the brewskis. They might not bring you back 100% right away, but they’ll definitely shorten the recovery time. 

Tip 1: Take preventative measures before you even get your tune on. One of those ancient tips from Grandpa Mulette is to take Milk Thistle before you go to sleep. It helps your litter process the booze-a-hols. Before I even start drinking, I make sure I got a couple capsules and a bottle of water on my pillow for my when drunk ass stumbles into bed at four a.m.—it’s already there waiting for me.

Tip 2: Shower as soon as you wake up and wash that funk off you! This one can be tailored to your own lifestyle. I know some people prefer cold, I prefer scolding hot myself, but whatever you like—first things first when you wake up is shower. My favourite is sitting in the tub while the water pours over me. Still getting clean, but standing is not necessary, bonus points for a good cry. Everyone needs a good shower cry once in a while.

Tip 3: Now that we’re clean and got a good cry out from contemplating your life choices, it’s time to fuel up. My go-to hangover meal is to head to Wendy’s, grab a chicken burger, baked potato with extra cheese and bacon, a Sprite to drink and chicken strips for dessert. Breakfast of champs right there, folks.

Tip 4: Hydration. And not in the traditional sense. Had that bottle of water before we went to bed and the Sprite with breakfast, but now it is time to get those fluids into us. What kind of fluids, Jeff? you may be asking. Caesars. The cocktail of the Gods. The vitamin C in the clamato juice boosts your immune system and tells your stress hormones to chill out, the salt helps replenish those electrolytes and of course, hair of the dog always helps, right?

If you follow these four tips you should be back on your feet again real quick, and ready to go for round two, whether it be that night or next week. This routine I got there for you will have you back on the dock drinking with the boys in no time! 

Editor’s Note: An article from The Edville Gazette appears on News Now Network sites once a week. There is also a podcast for your listening delight

#theedvillegazette, #humour, #edville


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