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July 14, 2024

The Edville Gazette: On Selling What’s Washed Up

Flotsam and Dollsam

Article by Hugo Blue

ARANSAS – Researchers along the Texas coast, surveying wildlife, have been troubled by the number of mysterious creepy dolls washing ashore on the state’s beaches. 

“There’s a lot of nightmares out there,” says Jace Tunnell, Director of the Reserve at the University of Texas Marine Institute, recounting a particular species of babyface doll with barnacles growing out of its eyes.

The debris is reminiscent of the devastation wrought by oil spills.

While the cause of the die-off could range from toxic algae to mean children, it’s a “loop current”— stretching from the Yucatan Peninsula to Florida — that’s pushing Cabbage-Patch and Barbie toward the Texas Gulf.

Despite their horrific appearance, Tunnell’s team is doing their best to care for and categorize the dolls, noting that, “the creepiest are the ones that have lost all their hair.” So far, he’s collected 30.

Once retrieved, his team tries to find them good homes, by putting them up for adoption at an annual auction. All proceeds go to a sea turtle rescue program.

Apparently, the dolls are quite in demand by the weirdo demographic, and Tunnell’s raised no less than $35. That’s at least one turtle saved.

It’s enough to make a person wonder what would happen if we were to market all of the actual junk that washes up on our shores. Selling all that rubbish back to the humans who put it there in the first place.

Hey I’ve got some “ocean stylized” plastic bottles with your name on them. We could scrub the oceans clean in no time.

Editor’s Note: An article from The Edville Gazette appears on News Now Network sites once a week. There is also a podcast for your listening delight https://anchor.fm/radiofreeedville.

#theedvillegazette, #humour, #edville

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